May 27, 2008 at 12:48 pm (Uncategorized)

I’ve terribly neglected this blog. But I’ve had a hell of a lot to deal with in the past… um… month. First I had the end of term to deal with; I ended up taking an incomplete in one class because of ridiculous scheduling, and pulling a few all-nighters to get through the others. I also found out that I failed three of my eight MA exams (two of which were initially passes, wtf) and would have to retake them in October and be a semester behind in my progress towards the PhD. On top of being a semester behind, it was confirmed that I would have no funding for next year. And the sole professor in our department who works in my subfield would not only be swamped by other students by the time I got to work with her, but will be taking on less work because she’s having a baby. (Which is fabulous for her!) Now, I would try to tough it out if it were just one of those factors. But with all those things combined… well, I’m taking the next year off, moving home, getting a job, and applying to other PhD programs. I’ll be doing the retakes sometime at the end of the summer – but again, I don’t know when, because the chair of the department says I can take them at the end of August but my lease runs out on July 31st.
More to worry about.

So there hasn’t been much time for mindful eating or deep thoughts on the body politic. There’s been a lot of comfort eating, and a few descents into bingeing; I’ve tried really hard to be aware when that’s happening, to not beat myself up for it, to cut off the bingeing before I hurt myself, and to try and treat my body well. I’m trying to appreciate my body the way it is. And it hasn’t been all bad. I went shopping with three friends who range from inbetweenie to bigger than me (one of them referred to it as the “curvy classicists shopping trip”), and that was awesome and deserves a post of its own. I saw a bunch of movies and discovered that really, I can get by with the small or medium bag of popcorn.* I fell in love with Ben Barnes, the distractingly hot Prince Caspian in the new Narnia movie. I bid good-bye to friends who are leaving for the summer, not knowing if I’ll get to see them again before I leave.

And then this past week I got an absolutely horrible toothache that appeared to be the result of a sinus infection. (I hope, anyway. The antibiotics seem to have helped, but they would also have helped with an abcessed tooth. Waugh.) Which meant I couldn’t really eat anything except very soft food. And put off eating as long as possible so I didn’t have to jar my tooth at all. Great way to lose five pounds fast! And to feel like total shit and spend most of your time in bed!

And now I’m finally eating solid food again, and my lunch was totally disgusting and I threw it out. And throwing it out rather than stuffing myself with something that I found totally unpalatable is a big change from the past few weeks, I guess. Maybe that’s the point. If there is a point to this rambling, disjointed mess of an entry.

* Side story: my mom loooooooooooves movie popcorn. Loves popcorn in general, but especially movie popcorn. So every time I went to the movies in high school, she’d give me a few extra bucks and tell me to get the large bag and bring home the extra for her. It’s habit for me by now, and I honestly had never though of getting the small until two weeks ago. I’m slow sometimes.


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